The Jaded Bastard

Is it just me, or do you feel that TV has become one GIGANTIC commercial, broken up by small, usually idiotic, bits of programming?   EVERYWHERE you turn, on EVERY channel, satellite or broadcast, there’s a ‘ghost’ in the bottom corner, or as is ubiquitous these days, across the entire bottom quarter of the screen.

I just laid out big this last Xmas for a 47-inch LCD HDTV and the associated sound/receiver equipment and it seems to me that all that newly found real estate has been covered up with Flash™ commercials.  Try and watch ANY sporting event where the score is kept on the bottom of the screen..  go ahead, I’ll wait.

Couldn’t see it, could you?  It was covered up by the stations logo or the cartoonish ad for that same channels programs sometime down the road.  It’s getting to the point of ridiculousness.

We were watching the news the other night.  Along the bottom of the screen, the news segments producer had all sorts of info scrolling by telling us about the victim of the disaster de jour, the location in the city, etc.  But you couldn’t see it because there was ANOTHER graphic overlaying it touting “BLAH BLAH ON YOUR SIDE” or “CRIME TEAM 12″ or whatever they call themselves day to day.  Seriously pisses me off.

ANY day now folks, we’re going to see that shit in MOVIES and that’s when I call it a day.  I’ll just not watch ANY network/cable/satellite TV and stick to DVDs.  Oh, they make you watch the previews now, don’t they?

[SIGH]

Sorry I haven’t updated this in a while.  There is a LOT of crap that pisses me off and it’s really tough to decide what to bitch about on a day-to-day basis.  Well, today I’ve just got to vent my spleen about television in general.

Are you, like me, about sick and tired of all the ‘Reality TV’ shows out there?  I watch none of them.  Tonight, for example, was “Extreme Makeover - Home Edition”.  It really should be called “Extreme Pimping Of The Hosts and SPONSORS and, oh yeah, we help out a needy family in the background”.  This show is just one gigantic feel-good story for the HOSTS.  They spend two hours telling us how cool and caring the hosts are and in the process allowing us to see just how shallow they are.  If they really cared for the family they’re helping, you wouldn’t even see the hosts.  They’d be OUT OF THE PICTURE.  But, no, all we see are their fauxhawks and pink hard hats.

Other shows are about NOTHING but the writers and producers introducing conflict into a group of people for the express purpose of entertainment (?).  I aint entertained.  The yelling and screaming matches in the commercials for these shows are enough to make me NEVER watch them.  Pay attention to the commercials for shows like Big Brother, Survivor - Who Gives a Shit Where They Are This Season, Super Nanny, The Greatest Race, American Hot Rod, American Chopper (Ok, I confess, I watch this one), Master Blasters, Etc..  there is ALWAYS someone yelling and/or crying.  Christ, I’d just love to see a show where the folks all get along and race, rebuild, remodel, cook - WHATEVER.  I just get so sick of all the contrived interpersonal infancy.

I’m not the most mature person in the world, but I just grow so weary, so jaded, of the TV these days.

Agree or am I off my looming old-age rocker?

An oldie but a goodie:

WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

‘My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short . The United Kingdom, Spain , Bulgaria , Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT’ll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bonne chance, mez amies.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. Its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put ‘em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come. If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, ‘darn tootin.’

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America It is time to eliminate homelessness in America To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won’t forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.’

Just a general {SIGH} for the passing of Arthur C. Clarke…

The world just got a little darker.

And then we have George Bush still here, and Joe Naccio getting a brand-new trial.

It just aint fair, know what I mean?

TJB

I’ve been a happy DirecTV customer since around 1996. Lots of channels I like AND the NFL Sunday Ticket™. I’ve been able to see my beloved Dolphins EVERY weekend EVERY season. YAY! And then a buddy of mine turned me on to TiVo. OH. MY. GOD. Satellite AND a digital VCR? I’ve died and gone to heaven. Hacked the DVR to 740GIG of drive space. I could save ALL my shows - indefinitely. I was a happy man.

Then I discovered HD. Again, that same buddy of mine showed me what I was missing. I HAD TO GET HD!! My poor, suffering wife…

Oh, wait. I can’t get HD from DirecTV WITH the Sunday Ticket AND dual tuners AND TiVo. If I wanted HD, dual tuners AND Sunday Ticket, I had to lose TiVo. [SIGH] There goes the TiVo because I will NOT lose my Dolphins.

Called DirecTV and ordered the HD-DVR. Got free installation of the new dish with the DVR. Played with it a couple of weeks and finally decided, yes, the new DVR sucks…

1. It locks up tighter than a frog’s ass once a week or so.

2. Loses the HD channels at about the same frequency. A reboot (a 10-minute process) to cure these issues. Fun.

3. The menus are counterintuitive. That means, for UA Wildcat fans, not easy to figure out. And to top it off, when I was starting to get used to the way this DVR does things, they download a software upgrade and change them all around! [UGH]

4. The hard drive on this new DVR is so small, it’s basically useless to save more than a few HD shows any time at all. And It’s the only one they sell! DAMN! I could go aftermarket, but I’d pay upwards of NINE HUNDRED dollars for something my old TiVo did for about $250. Another DAMN!

5. The Internet is literally alive with complaints about DirecTV’s DVRs. And since DTV is controlled by Liberty Capital, another money-changer group controlled by ONE GUY, there’s little chance to get a better design (TiVo).  [SIGH]

6. Lately, it’s started a NEW trick - it drops sound, the picture freezes and coughs - all randomly and intermittently. And a reboot does nada to fix it. I JUST DON’T GET IT. These assholes can build and launch a friggin satellite, but they can’t make a dumb little box to watch it with. I know at LEAST one company can, though:

So, in closing, I say FUCK YOU DIRECTV - WE WANT TIVO!

[UPDATE: Correct ownership of DirecTV - 05/01/08]

Welcome.  I’m the Jaded Bastard.  In this new home of mine, I’ll do nothing but bitch, gripe, snarl, complain, whine, carp, grouse, insult and generally make a pain in the ass of myself.  I figure if I put it all here, the wife will hear less of it, making her life a little easier and maybe a search engine will find it and relay to the people, institutions and/or politicians I’m writing about.  Maybe.

You’re welcome to join the ride if you like.